There is a particular kind of pain that can quietly pull a Christian away from God — and it does not come from the world.
It comes from inside the church.
I know this because I lived through six years of it.
Another Christian — someone I trusted — hurt me deeply. I won’t share the details because they are not mine alone to share, and because the details are not what changed my life. What changed my life was what the Lord required of me in response.
I had a choice.
I could allow the pain to pull me away from God, or I could choose the Lord anyway.
That choice was not easy. And it was not made once. It was made over and over again across six long years.
If you are carrying that kind of pain right now — church hurt, betrayal by a fellow believer, a wound that has begun affecting your relationship with God — I want to share what I learned.
Why Church Hurt Can Feel Different From Other Pain
When someone outside the church hurts us, we often expect it.
We know the world is unkind. We know people who don’t know the Lord may act in ways that are selfish or hurtful.
But when a Christian hurts us — someone who should know better, someone who sits in the same pew, someone who prays the same prayers — the pain carries a different weight.
It can shake your confidence in the church itself.
It can make you wonder whether Christian people are genuine.
And if you are not careful, it can begin affecting how you feel about God.
That is exactly where the enemy wants you.
He does not have to pull you out of the church if he can simply make you miserable inside it — going through the motions, sitting in the pew but distant in your heart, present in body but far away from the Lord.
Feeling Far From God Is Not the Same as Being Abandoned by God
One of the most important things I had to learn during those six years was this:
God had not moved.
My feelings had moved. My hurt had moved. My grief had moved.
But God was exactly where He had always been.
Psalm 34:18 says:
“The LORD is nigh unto them that are of a broken heart; and saveth such as be of a contrite spirit.” — Psalm 34:18, KJV
He is close to the brokenhearted. That includes the Christian whose heart has been broken by another Christian.
If you feel far from God right now, please hear this: He is not far from you. Read Psalm 34:18 on Bible Gateway and let it settle into your heart.
What I Learned About Forgiveness
Forgiveness was the hardest part.
Not because I didn’t know I was supposed to forgive. I knew. I had read the Scripture. I had heard the sermons.
But forgiving someone who has hurt you deeply — and who may never acknowledge what they did — is one of the most difficult things a Christian can be asked to do.
What I finally understood is that forgiveness is not for the other person.
Forgiveness is between you and God.
When you carry unforgiveness, you are the one who suffers. The bitterness sits in your own heart. It clouds your prayer life. It distances you from the Lord.
Matthew 6:14 says:
“For if ye forgive men their trespasses, your heavenly Father will also forgive you.” — Matthew 6:14, KJV
Choosing forgiveness was not saying what happened was acceptable.
It was choosing not to let what happened define my relationship with God.
I made that choice. And I had to keep making it — sometimes daily — until the pain finally began to loosen its grip.
The Approval Trap
During those six years, I also had to confront something uncomfortable about myself.
I had been looking for approval from people when I should have been resting in God’s approval alone.
When the approval I was seeking didn’t come — when the person who hurt me showed no remorse, when others didn’t seem to understand, when I felt unseen — I suffered more than I needed to.
Galatians 1:10 became important to me:
“For do I now persuade men, or God? or do I seek to please men? for if I yet pleased men, I should not be the servant of Christ.” — Galatians 1:10, KJV
God’s approval is enough.
His opinion of you does not change based on what another person did or said or failed to do.
Learning to rest in that truth — really rest in it — was part of how I began getting closer to God again.
What Kept Me Close to God During Those Years
I want to be honest with you: there were days when I did not feel like praying. Days when I did not feel like opening my Bible. Days when going to church felt like an act of sheer obedience with very little joy attached to it.
I went anyway.
And here is what I learned: the habits we build during the hard seasons are what carry us through them.
Prayer. Even when I didn’t know what to say, I told God I was hurting. I told Him I didn’t understand. I asked Him to help me want to forgive when I didn’t feel like it. I asked Him to change my heart. Those honest, imperfect prayers were some of the most real conversations I have ever had with the Lord. If you struggle with a consistent prayer life, prayer journaling can help you stay anchored when your feelings are pulling you in every direction.
His Word. I kept reading. Even when verses didn’t seem to land the way they once had, I kept reading. The Word of God is alive, and it works even when we feel numb. If you want to go deeper in your Bible reading, these Bible verses about anxiety and peace may be a good place to begin. Marking meaningful passages with a set of scripture highlighters and sticky notes helped me slow down and truly absorb what I was reading.
Service. I kept serving. I kept showing up. Not because I always felt like it, but because the Lord had not released me from my responsibilities. Obedience during suffering is one of the most powerful acts of faith a Christian can offer.
A prayer journal. Writing out my prayers helped me see, over time, how God was working — even when I couldn’t feel it in the moment. The Walk with God Prayer Journal for Women is the kind of tool that gives you a place to pour out your heart and track how faithful God has been.
What About Wisdom and Discernment?
One of my prayers during those years was simply: Lord, give me wisdom. Help me know what to do.
I didn’t always receive a clear answer right away. But I kept asking. And over time, I learned to trust that God was working in ways I could not yet see.
If you are praying for wisdom in a difficult situation, this post on praying for wisdom and discernment speaks directly to that.
James 1:5 says:
“If any of you lack wisdom, let him ask of God, that giveth to all men liberally, and upbraideth not; and it shall be given him.” — James 1:5, KJV
Ask. Keep asking. He gives wisdom generously to those who ask in faith.
Protecting Your Bible
During difficult seasons, your Bible becomes even more precious. It is the place you return to again and again for comfort, instruction, and truth.
A women’s Bible case protects that Bible and keeps your study tools together — your highlighters, sticky notes, a slim notebook — everything you need for the kind of deep, daily Bible reading that sustains you through hard seasons.
You Do Not Have to Understand Everything to Stay Close to God
I never fully understood why that season lasted as long as it did.
I may never understand it this side of heaven.
But I can tell you that God used those six years. He used the pain to refine something in me. He used the forgiveness to free something in me. He used the faithfulness — the showing up when I didn’t feel like it — to build something in me that would not have been built any other way.
If you are in that place right now — feeling far from God, carrying hurt from someone in the church, wondering how to find your way back — I want you to know:
You don’t have to have it all figured out.
You just have to keep choosing Him.
Pray when you don’t feel like praying.
Read His Word when it feels dry.
Go to church when it is hard to walk through the door.
Forgive — not because it is easy, but because He asked you to.
Serve — not because you feel appreciated, but because He sees every act of faithfulness.
Keep going.
He is closer than you know.
“Draw nigh to God, and he will draw nigh to you.” — James 4:8, KJV
